just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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