I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
