hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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