I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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