Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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