We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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