woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
