yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
