He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
