idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
