Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
