After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
