wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
