Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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