she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
