i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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