i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
