Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
