If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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