A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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