My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
