Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
