I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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