He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
