when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
