but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
