you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
