she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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