After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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