Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
