I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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