halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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