what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
