idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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