he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
