The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
