So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
