Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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