So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
