the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
