when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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