dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
