Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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