Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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