my mouth tastes like poor choices
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
