just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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