I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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