Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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