I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
