ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
