Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
