I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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