why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The adults are the big ones right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
