You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
