I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
