I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize