Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
