I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
