You're so nebulous sometimes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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