if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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