so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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