put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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