wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
