Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
