So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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