just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
