she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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