I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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