That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize