i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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