Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize